THE HOLY 1965 INFORMATIONAL PAMPHELET TO WEEWOOWAH

Motto: If life gives you lemons, kill yourself for you are not worthy of their presence

Foreward

I met a traveller from an antique land, Who said—

“eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

He touched my soul that day... not to say he assaulted me, just that he impacted me greatly

Prologue

The Ian quietly crept into the dark room and slumped into his chair. He shifted his weight and the seat spun towards the blazing inferno in his fireplace, because he didn't know about 9front back then. He was just about to lose consciousness when a face emerged from the fire.

"I AM THE GENTOO GOD. I HAVE DESCENDED ALL THE WAY FROM HADES ALL THE WAY INTO THE GENTOO CAVERN TO DELIVER THIS MESSAGE TO YOU," the face intoned. Ian stared at the face. "Are you the one that keeps appearing in my dreams?" Ian asked. "NO." The face jumped out of the fire and assumed its true manifestation of a gory head stump. "GENTOO IS NO MORE," the face sadly whistled while somorsaulting in zigzags screaming "INFERIOR" in between every attempt at communicaton made by Ian.

Ian nearly backflipped into a volcano. Regrettably, there were no volcanoes on the scene, so Ian somersaulted into the fire. "NO, YOU CANNOT DIE YET, " whispered the god of Gentoo. "This story cannot be complete without the involvement of lions. I will resurrect you, inferior mortals, but only if you somehow make sure there are lions in this story." "POLAR BEARS ARE NOT LIONS," Ian said in morse code by clicking his teeth together while being lifted out of the fire.

History

I
n the beginning, there was nothing. Out of seemingly nowhere, there was L̮̮̦͓̟̮ͣ̐̊A̠ͦ̅̉ͫ̚͝Ȩ̞͎̮̲̩M̦̼̜ͩ̐Oͦ͂ͨ̐̆̚͡N͖͂͛ͭ̒̋, who wrote and compiled the first Weewoowah. L̮̮̦͓̟̮ͣ̐̊A̠ͦ̅̉ͫ̚͝Ȩ̞͎̮̲̩M̦̼̜ͩ̐Oͦ͂ͨ̐̆̚͡N͖͂͛ͭ̒̋, unlike, the first creatures of all the other realms, was immediately prosperous in it's quest to bring perfection. This was due to L̮̮̦͓̟̮ͣ̐̊A̠ͦ̅̉ͫ̚͝Ȩ̞͎̮̲̩M̦̼̜ͩ̐Oͦ͂ͨ̐̆̚͡N͖͂͛ͭ̒̋'s natural leadership skills, which resulted in a prosperous relationship between the L̮̮̦͓̟̮ͣ̐̊A̠ͦ̅̉ͫ̚͝Ȩ̞͎̮̲̩M̦̼̜ͩ̐Oͦ͂ͨ̐̆̚͡N͖͂͛ͭ̒̋ and his Weewoowah. The L̮̮̦͓̟̮ͣ̐̊A̠ͦ̅̉ͫ̚͝Ȩ̞͎̮̲̩M̦̼̜ͩ̐Oͦ͂ͨ̐̆̚͡N͖͂͛ͭ̒̋ would closely monitor and assist the Weewoowah to ensure their survival. These intelligent beings skipped past the initial stages of development that the inhabitants of other realms suffered through. Upon completion of their first ritual, the Weewoowah were gifted immortality by their omnipresent deity and soon rose to great power themselves. A feudal society upon which a the Prophet Reeroorah watched over, entered into a peaceful and unprogressive age.

The Reckoning of L̮̮̦͓̟̮ͣ̐̊A̠ͦ̅̉ͫ̚͝Ȩ̞͎̮̲̩M̦̼̜ͩ̐Oͦ͂ͨ̐̆̚͡N͖͂͛ͭ̒̋ Himself and The Rise of 
cyckl

After a long reign of peaceful rule, unproductiveness and mental illness, the Weewoowah founded the great capital city of Kikai. Because our all-powerful lord and savior is all-powerful, there is no need to explain how the Weewoowah founded the city. Almost immediately after the creation of the city, Weewoowah of all different last names began to populate the city. And then the L̮̮̦͓̟̮ͣ̐̊A̠ͦ̅̉ͫ̚͝Ȩ̞͎̮̲̩M̦̼̜ͩ̐Oͦ͂ͨ̐̆̚͡N͖͂͛ͭ̒̋ said, "I MUST INTERVENE. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE. WHO THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO HAVE NO DISCRIMINATION? ALL OF YOU WITH LAST NAMES A-L, LINE UP HERE. EVERYONE WITH LAST NAMES M-Z WILL LINE UP OVER HERE. YOU SHALL FIGHT A BLOODY WAR FULL OF RED LIQUID CALLED BLOD CLOTS. es were split up in the Great Divide. After many battles, conquest, and bloodshed, which resulted in a truce because nobody could figure out how to kill each other anyway, Kikai's economy blasted to new heights, allowing for a whole new world of potential. Soon enough, as more people were trained, recruited, and hired, Kikai expanded into a great empire. New organizations such as Lleb Labs and RISP were founded. Unfortunately, this joyous era ended, as the ultimate battle over who would become mayor (dictator) of the empire had reignited. One fateful day, the A-L faction's army killed the M-Z faction's leader, and assumed control. Less than a week later, a person named cyckl found the city and thought, "hey, this city is pretty cool." he then used superuser to kill everyone by redirecting them to /dev/null. He proceeded to assume control of the city and rules it to this day. 

FIN.

The L̮̮̦͓̟̮ͣ̐̊A̠ͦ̅̉ͫ̚͝Ȩ̞͎̮̲̩M̦̼̜ͩ̐Oͦ͂ͨ̐̆̚͡N͖͂͛ͭ̒̋ Strikes Back and The Vast Inferiority Powers of 
rishi

After the fallout of the Great Divide and the genocide to /dev/null, an ancient spirit from before the L̮̮̦͓̟̮ͣ̐̊A̠ͦ̅̉ͫ̚͝Ȩ̞͎̮̲̩M̦̼̜ͩ̐Oͦ͂ͨ̐̆̚͡N͖͂͛ͭ̒̋ times had awoken. The god of Inferiority sought to take physical form from his celestial body. He first came to possess the great sklever lord, cyckl, but failed as he was able to run in zigzags in order to evade the inferiority god from forcibly going inside of daniel. So, the god of inferiority settled for a cafe person named rishi that cyckl threw at him in order to escape. Then, once the possession took place, the true rishi stuck his pointer fingers out, and spoke his final words: "BEEDEDEDEDEEDEDED BEDEDEDEEDEDED BEDEDEEDED". The true rishi was gone, and what was left was the god of inferiority in his true superiority. The only logical thing to do that still remained was to assert his title as prophet of L̮̮̦͓̟̮ͣ̐̊A̠ͦ̅̉ͫ̚͝Ȩ̞͎̮̲̩M̦̼̜ͩ̐Oͦ͂ͨ̐̆̚͡N͖͂͛ͭ̒̋. his first prophecy was this: "Good eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee my fellow. We are going to be eeeeeeeee today morning. I know you guys don't like wasting time, so I shall name and recite the name of every tree on this planet. Then I will list the fundamental laws, or "eeeeeeeeeee", of this universe:

Trees are fascinating insects if you think about it. They have legs, abdomen, and can be used as an effective transport system. Furthermore, I believe the best political canidate to the 2020 election is Chuck eeeeeEeee. Cheese. The logic is simple: he has two possible states: to be a tree, and to not be a tree. Because there are two outcomes, there is a 50 percent chance that he is a tree, because 78 + 25 is 52. Expanding upon this math, the derivative of the square integral of the root theory brings us to advanced counting systems, which is a lot higher than the odds that other politicians will deliver their promises.

As I was saying, the commandments as listed below:

  1. Commandment number one: Trees are fascinating insects if you think about it.
  2. Commandment number two: The number of packages installed on Ubuntu represents the year of the apocalypse.
  3. Commandment number three: There is a 7000 page book on past, present, and future tense grammar from the perspective of a time traveler. We definitely did not plagiarize The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
  4. Commandment number five: Numbers are fake like my ability to evade people who are running in zigzags.
  5. Commandment number six: Numbers are infinite like the number of chromosomes that we all have for taking the time to write this.
  6. Commandment number seven: 'Arson is the coolest crime, but do it in an isolated area where the fire can't spread' said no one ever."

Rishi later died of stroke due to his inability to stop talking before L̮̮̦͓̟̮ͣ̐̊A̠ͦ̅̉ͫ̚͝Ȩ̞͎̮̲̩M̦̼̜ͩ̐Oͦ͂ͨ̐̆̚͡N͖͂͛ͭ̒̋ resurrected him so he could talk more in the future. 

EL FIN

Angering the L̮̮̦͓̟̮ͣ̐̊A̠ͦ̅̉ͫ̚͝Ȩ̞͎̮̲̩M̦̼̜ͩ̐Oͦ͂ͨ̐̆̚͡N͖͂͛ͭ̒̋ and the Imperialism of the 
thomas

As the current assigned Santa Clause of the North-East Region of the Pacific Ocean, he was able to intercept the prophecy of the inferior god as thomas sees all and hears all. He know knew and possessed the exact date of the apocalypse as the number of packages installed on the Ubuntu system of the god of inferiority. This apocalypse would consist of the second coming of Lemon Weewoowah Sudo. When the Japanese arrived in what is now known today as Finland, they brought true enlightenment to its aryan inhabitants. This created a utopian ethnostate so magnificent that the remains of it are still observable to this day, nearly 16,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 centuries later.

Laws and customs

  1. Do not question the vast superiority of the L̮̮̦͓̟̮ͣ̐̊A̠ͦ̅̉ͫ̚͝Ȩ̞͎̮̲̩M̦̼̜ͩ̐Oͦ͂ͨ̐̆̚͡N͖͂͛ͭ̒̋
  2. Do not discuss the Weewoowah outside of the Weewoowah otherwise you shall be punished
  3. All Seesoosahs shall hail the holy prophet Reeroorah
  4. The Beboobah are made up of robot slaves, excluding instances of The Rishi
  5. The only acceptable sustenance is Dutch Banana Resturant
  6. the ian will never die
  7. If you die in russia, you die on earth too. Citizens who attempt to hijack existing instances of Reeroorah, Een, or The Rishi will be crucified backwards and upside down to a billbobaggins
  8. nobody is allowed to mention puerto rico, we will not tell you why
  9. If it rains for more than five days at a time, will find someone to blame.
  10. the use of cleaning products and water is not permitted, all objects to be cleaned with fire
  11. The only legal form of ice cream is LEMON.
  12. The only legal form of milk is chocolate. If your LEMON ice cream melts, you are responsible for quarantining it and freezing it before engaging in consumption.
  13. google bad
  14. if there are any objects displaying the incorrect time and/or date, a crayfish named Jim will arrive at your house within 55 seconds and set fire to you, your house, and the ground it rests on for purification

Guidelines

  1. Arrays should start at zero
  2. Do not question the vast superiority of the ian
  3. Not referring to the daniel as cyckl is deeply offensive
  4. The Rishi is the prophet and ceremonial master of L̮̮̦͓̟̮ͣ̐̊A̠ͦ̅̉ͫ̚͝Ȩ̞͎̮̲̩M̦̼̜ͩ̐Oͦ͂ͨ̐̆̚͡N͖͂͛ͭ̒̋
  5. To understand recursion, you must understand recursion.
  6. primary communication is morse code through clicking your teeth
  7. "Weewoowahs" are very different from "Wewoowahs." Accidentally endorsing Wewoowahs in public are a sign of weakness and could land you in the purgatory of Puerto Rico.
  8. cyckl suffers from cycklical recursion problems with no exit conditions and pretty much got stuck in his terminal forever, so don't try to contact him.
  9. If at any time masked invaders attempt to break into your house, wait next to the door to collect your receipt on their way out.
  10. If you set fire to a gas station you may be given a parking ticket.
  11. if you dont like monkeys then i dont like you

Reeroorituals

  1. Attempt to listen to LEMONed I Scream at least one time per day, for it is the song of creation, and the defining melody of matter and energy. This holy song is the first ritual performed by great first Seesoosah who was gifted power in the year 340 (Post-Lemon-Arrival) by The Lemon
  2. Arranging 13 lemons in a circle marked with lime juice around any 4 dimensional object will cause the s̵̨̢̛̛̛̛̟͓̯̭̙̻͍̼͙̜̪͔̝͎͙̰̤͔̤͇͈͇̱̥̻̩̗̜͍̞̼͕̙̈́̃͂̇̇͒̒͗͗̀̈̾̀́̄͐̏͂̔͂͋͗̊̍̉͑͂̽͆́̅͂̀͛̓̾̊̄͋͒̐́͛̉̑̍̐͗̈́̿̋̆͐͐̒̎̓̿̌͆̋́͐̃̏̍͆̀̍̅̊̄̑̏̾̿̃̂̃̉͊̀̽̎̏̀̋͌͂̎́̿̒̌̔̍̍͛͌̏̒̌̈́́͛̿̆͐̉̑͐̇̅̋̾̂͗͊̐̾͆̐̿̎͗̌͑̔̋̔̅̏̒͛̄̐͐̐̅͊̌̇͆͂̇̋̋̓̏͛͒͗̊̐̿̅̉̉́͒̀͌͌̽̎̀̐͗̅͌̐̀͆͐͑̒̽̆͋͊̅̔͋͑̒͗̂͘̕̕͘̚̚̚͘̚͘͘̚̚͜͝͝͝͝͝͝͠͝͝͝͝͝͠͠͝͝͝ţ̵̡̛͎̠̥͙͕͉͍̥͍̥̐̏̓̽͗̃̓̆̾̈́̓̀͊̌͘ą̷̧̢̡̧̨̧̡̨̨̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̛̖̰̻̘̲͖̪̱̭̻̰̫͙̺̦̲͖̫̹̩͇̺͔̜̰̫̫̹͚͖͕̼̦̥͉̩͚̼͎̺̗̹͕̻͔͓̲̦̞͉͈̩͖̭̥̫̯̗̲̝̖͚̫̻̠͓̥̤̤̝͔͚̪͎͖̣̠̭̝̲̣̬̬̥̖̞͖̻̠͔͎̼̺̣̮̭̭̖̲͉̝̦̙̗̟̜̜͎͎̻̖̩̞͉͈̮̯̹̩̹̗̣͇̤̙̜̥̩̤̠̲̫̪͉͓̱͓̗̟̝̞̣͍̱͉̻̔̅̇̑̆͛̿͒̑̊̑͐̓͌̀̒̿͆̒̃̾͋̀̔͆̀̓̇̈́͐̂̾̌̃̃̇͗̀͋̀̑͋̇̽͊͂̀̇̈̂̃̑̌͋̎̋̒͋͐̌͊́̽͆̋͗͋̀̑͒͑͑͋͋͋͗͛͂̆͛̽̋͒̋̂̊̐̐̆͗͋́̐̇̄̇̏̉̀̌̐͗̏̀̅̽̈͑́͗̿́̽̂̎̉̋̓̍̎̌̐́͛̋̍͐͗̑̿̊̿̐͒̽͊͛̉͑̔̑͆̒̿̇̌͑̽̆͆͂̇̿͛͗̅̿̔̎̎̽͊͂̍̂̾̊͒̑͗̐̌́̀͑̎̔̄͑̐͆̅͘̕̕̕̚͘̕̕̚̚͘̚͜͜͜͝͝͝͠͝͝͠͝͝͝͝͠͠͝ͅͅị̵̡̧̨̧̺͍̯͈͈͉̪͈̮̝̺̠͖͎̜̗͉͚̩̭̦͙̺͙̖͓͔̘̦̦̗͕̪̬͚̣̳͓̲̼̠̖̠̘̠͙̥̰͈̝̻͕̫͎̼̞̬̼̥̻̜̤͖͎͙̼̩̠̝͓̮͈̣̺̯̮̟̼̳̼̳̲̖̻͖͉̆̊̒̀͋̐̈́̉̅͛̐̋̐̂͒̀̏̆̾͑̚̕͜͜͜͜͜͝͠͝ͅr̴̢̨̡̢̢̨̡̛̛̛̛̛̛͔̮̹̥͓̗̘̫̮̠̞̯̙͚̥̝̖̠̠̳̬̺͖̙̘̟̜̘̫̬͖̦̲̹̰̳̝͈̤̠̠̖̪͉̖̪̥̩͍̪̫̩̘̭̝̝̲͈̫̙͍̜̭̝̤̘̻̯͚͎̜̝̗̖͗̑̉̄̒̈́̉̈͂̅̋̒́̀̍̀̒͑̇͋̀̾̀̽͋̂͐̈́̿̀́̋̊̿͆̃̆͑̃̓̾̊̀̍͆̄͆̍̾̈́̊̃̂͋̐̀̂̏̌̌͒͆͑̓̃͛̓͆̿̿̀͗͐͑͌͊́̂̀͋͂̈̋̈̊̏́̈̉̔͋̒̌̋̆͑͌̇̿̓̿͂̒̅͒͊̊͛̉̍̌̐̏͛̉͌̈̈̓̎̂͗̎͌̐̍͒̾̒̅̎̈͛͗̽͂̅̃̏͛̃̏̑̑͌̐̊̂͂̍̍̓̌̿̿̒̌͐͋̓̽͊͗̀̿̔̑̔̃̔̒̓͂̉͌̉̓͌͊̇̄̓͛̍̅̔̒̊̈̐̒̽́͂̐̈̽̉͌̅̂͋͆̍̋͘̕̚̕̚̚͘̚̕̚͘͠͝͝͠͠͝͝͝͝͠͝͝͠͝͝͝͝͠͠͝͝͝͝͝ͅͅͅs̴̢̨̢͇͔͉̺̜̝̫̙̹̜̠͈͉͕̰̼̬̞̫̳̬̟̥̲͎̘̥̹͓͎͓͚̱̭̤̣͎̼̰̫̖̹̫̭̰͙͍̙͙͍̗̦͇̝̪̩͒̈́͛̆͊̉̊̍͒̉̾̅̓̄̀̒̀̔̅̋͗̕̚͜͠͠͝͝ͅ to Lemon Land to appear
  3. In contrast, arranging -7 l̷̦͙̙͖̱̀͂͂̐̇̾̑̐̀͊̔͘̚͝ï̴̯̳̘͎̯̱̟̉̿̑͜é̸̮̫̲̳̀͌̔̈́̍̌̀͗ỉ̵̡̢̡̛̞̥̻̲̣͈̬͇͇̪̞̞̟̣̈͆̉́͋͗̍̂̚͝͝g̸̢̠͉̣͉͔̹̳̭̈́̊͋͋̽̈͂̃̅͐̈́̈́̌̋̄́̚̕͘͘s in a c̸̨͚̙͙͈̹͈͔͖̖̲͕̿̐̂̽͌͌͝͠ȉ̴̢̨̡̲̱̪͎̞͓̖͍̰̰̑̇̅͂͗̌͐̿̉̚ͅr̸̨͉̲͉͈̥͈̹͖̝̦̥̀́͂̎́̚͠c̷̥̰̺̅̆̈́̋̇̆̿̉̅͑l̸̨̠͔̳̙͖̯̽̂ḝ̷̘̲͉̱̰́͛̂̿͗͊̈̽̚͝͝͝ will cause the void to eternal punishment to arrive

Endor-cements

  1. 9front is the official operating system
    1. Gentoo and Void Linux are tolerated
  2. Minecraft is the official video game
    1. Garry's Mod is accepted
  3. Dropping various concerningly heavy bricks over Canada with the use of giant automated quadcopters.
  4. The "Gentoo Terrorist Squad (GTS) group of people who go around installing Gentoo on peoples' computers, taking their money, and donating it to charities endorsing the collapse of classical physics.
  5. Recreational thermonuclear weapons
  6. Child Euthanization for sport
  7. 25 dark matter pills per month is recommended mandatory to eliminate all emotion
  8. The recommended number of doors per household is 193, and only three of them can be in a non-euclidian shape form

Punishments

  1. All forms of inferiority must be severely punished under the Holy Weewoowah Commandments
  2. There is such thing as hell, it is more formally referred to as Tampa, Florida.
  3. if you break our rules you will be put into time out
  4. Young children who refuse to participate in timeout will be sent to Tampa, Florida until they can install Gentoo with their eyes closed.
  5. if you dont install gentoo you will be sent to Disneyland to suffer.
  6. The highest form of shame is the Anti-Weewoowah dance
  7. Punishment of the highest order is death by the L̮̮̦͓̟̮ͣ̐̊A̠ͦ̅̉ͫ̚͝Ȩ̞͎̮̲̩M̦̼̜ͩ̐Oͦ͂ͨ̐̆̚͡N͖͂͛ͭ̒̋
  8. Failure to drink chocolate milk results in immediate punishment, not by death but by demilkdration
  9. Enjoyment of Jazz Music results in punishment
  10. There is no such thing as santa claus, the tooth fairy and the queen of england
  11. Crucification will not be conducted with nails, it will be conducted with Elmer's glue and tape
  12. Failure to consume pills will lead to attack
  13. all traitors must be BEEDEDEDEDEDD to death

Scientific Division

Motto: Good ideas for bad people
  1. we did a successful head transplant to a human and a dog
  2. Gravity
  3. new advancements in propaganda technology